How I lost my faith in the Church but remained a Catholic for the Love of God.

Is "Druid Catholic" a thing? No, it's not a thing if I want it to be...so much of neopaganism and occultism is based on that and it's literally not how it works. Despite what these groups may think, you cannot define your Universe and you cannot be your own god- to think so is utter arrogance and foolishness.

Thankfully, God and Creation are so vast and complex, you'll spend forever looking at it and you'll never know even a fraction...God especially. There are no definitions that completely encapsulate the divine.

I do believe the Catholic Church is the best we've got...that's been established.

I also believe that anything good or (once) holy in the hands of powerful and corrupt men will also become powerful and corrupt.

I also don't believe that any human institution will be totally correct 100% of the time, and the Church claims to be a divine one. Their track record is not 100%.

I think the basic message is there. But I think history and experience also shows that there are many ways to live the message, even within orthodoxy...and I think I've left that behind. I still don't know how I feel about that.

I also think that if I ignore or attempt to redefine the more shamanic parts of my mystical self (no, not magickal and never again magickal), I will probably end up crazier than I already am. I'm being ripped apart here, and no priest is well experienced enough to help me.

The "gods" are no gods, even if they think they are. But they loved me, and I loved them. I miss their friendship, if not their service (I DON'T miss their service.) There is only one God, and He is my only God, but I don't think He's going to throw a conniption if I say hello when I see Ganesha or the Morrigan. He's a jealous God, not an abusive one.

I still follow Church teachings, at least most of them. Just not the way most Catholics do.

Anyway, this is all just me thinking aloud. I may not yet take this road. But if I do, it's a finer line I'll tread, cutting the magick and polytheism out of Druidry and using it as a carrier for my Christianity. But, some ancient Druids may have done vice versa, or just as I am. So, I'm in good company.

I know who my Master is. I just have to find the method He wants me to use, and pray I don't get deluded (or further deluded) by my own will.

It's easy to do- I've looked into some of the Catholic offshoots from Rome and they are nothing but heretical...it stopped being about serving Christ and was more about serving themselves a long time ago. (Which is kind of how I see the Church, but anyway...)

There isn't anyone reading this, but I'll post my own thoughts on the catechism and what it says about the Church another time. This is just me. This is just me trying to get my bearings. This is me trying to reason myself around being both Catholic and taking up with Druidry. I'm sure orthodox Catholics would say so. But I think I can find the historical and spiritual precedents for it, if I do it CORRECTLY.



"My Druid is Christ, the Son of God.
Christ the Son of Mary, the great Abbot,
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost;
My Possession is the King of Kings;
My Order is in Kells and Moone.
Alone am I.

(D. Macgregor, Saint Columba, Edinburgh, 1897.)"

Somehow, I think I may already be on this path, and I just haven't fully accepted it yet. Or the Eastern Rite will get me and I won't post here again. Somehow...I am not sure that will happen.

/rant.

EDIT: Reading the Catechism, there isn't a whole lot I want to argue with beyond phrasing...if that was how it worked.

Maybe my faith in the spiritual Church, instituted by Christ and which DOES express itself through the physical Church, is not dead.

My faith in people and the institutional Church is.

My faith in the arrogance of believing any one person or group of people is infallible and always 100% guided by the Holy Spirit is.

I wish the Church was what it says it is. I just cannot believe so blindly, seeing what I see.

I know that Jesus is God because He was good enough to shout through my deafness. I know the sacraments are real by His Grace.

As I said, the Church's (the human component) track record on infallibility is not 100%. Or even 85%. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be a better Christian as a Druid, but I feel like there is a very wide margin for error, even wider than with the Church. Nevertheless...